XOXO, FUCKERS

[GOSSIP♥]

Hello again, you shitastic fucks. The ever present gossip queen is here to shed some light onto your darkest issues. I gotta say, I was disappointed in the lack of gossip sent to me. Hmm. Too bad for you all – I’ll just have to throw all of you under the bus. Blame yourselves, you dickheads. Anyway, we’re in the sunny, and brilliant state of California, home to quite a few of our bruised peaches here on tour. Ohh who am I kidding, trying to keep you all in suspense! I’m positively giddy about all that’s happened back in Texas. Let’s start with the big topic on tour - DAVID HARLEM and ADONIS RHODES. Guess what folks! They got into a little scuffle at the tour bonfire… and by little I mean, DAVID might be missing a few teeth and ADONIS had to get a couple stitches from head-butting DAVID. Who knew that little Irish pansy had it in him?! Not me, obviously! But after doing a little digging on Mister RHODES… I found that he has a past with fighting! As does Mister HARLEM; but we all knew that, didn't we? That asshole is mental. Just goes to show, it’s the quiet and sweet ones you have to look out for. I bet LORELAI ANDREWS probably has a drug habit she’s not telling people about. Shame on you, LORELAI.

Speaking of drug problems, JAYDE BAUDELAIRE – you need rehab! The girl was seen in an alleyway shooting up like there was no tomorrow. Seriously, that was the dirtiest digging I’ve ever done. I was stuck there while DAVID HARLEM come out to join her then some random guys, obviously from the shady past she has yet to come out about ( be careful Jayde, I know things about you that would make your fucking head spin ), came along to… cause more trouble. While I’m a heartless bitch, I won’t get into what went down there. JAYDE, you’re a lucky bitch. I better get a fucking ‘thank you’ or else I’ll be forced by ungratefulness to spread a few more deep rooted secrets of yours. Cheers, bitch. You’ve just dodged a bullet.

But who on earth could that bullet hit, now? Can anybody guess? This girl has become my favorite person in the world! And side note – I don’t say that about many people. Have you guessed it yet? DING DING DING! That’s right, MIRA SANTIAGO, darling. You are love. Let’s start at the top of the list. First, she was seen with LENNOX MADDEN, the lucky bitch. Let’s hope, for her sake and mine, she hooks up with him sometime soon. I want details, Miss SANTIAGO. After my last exposé, MIRA and ADONIS RHODES had become even more attached at the hip… or are they attached at the genitals? Judging by their late night, one-on-one parties and get together… I’d say so! I wonder how that makes JONATHAN CLARK feel! Considering he’s the latest on MIRA SANTIAGO’s list of boy toys. But then again… the only person I feel even remotely bad for is the little mental case BENJI MORETTI. Apparently, after years of being ‘in love’ with her – she’s made an honest man out of him! Can we all say AWW? BENJI, dear… it’ll probably hurt you to know your girlfriend cheated on you. With none other than NOAH RYDER! Damn! That bitch MIRA is seriously my favorite. Oh! I’m forgetting one more thing, babes. Apparently DAVID HARLEM dipped his fingers in that while he took time off from saving JAYDE BAUDELAIRE from scary looking men. Bravo, DAVE.

I’m convinced they were switching off, because JAYDE BAUDELAIRE and NOAH RYDER were seen together as well! NOAH’s professional canoodling has gotten to JAYDE. Bravo, JAYDE! Let’s speak a little more about JAYDE, shall we? It seems as though her and her lovely manager, ADONIS RHODES, pretty much hate each other. Now, JAYDE, you should know better that to poke at your boss! The lovely band, FIREFLY METRONOME is on its way OUT! The head honcho’s on tour aren’t too thrilled with ADONIS’ constant state of stupor thanks to the many joints and bottles he sucks down. ADONIS, dear, the only thing worth sucking is… well, I’m sure we all know. ;]

I don’t know what it is with you fucks and drugs. SAY NO, you dumbasses!

Anyway, back to BENJI MORETTI for a moment. I bet you all didn’t know he was crazy? Well, no. you probably did. The little shit has been going to a psychologist! Apparently they confirmed everybody’s suspicions and told him he was fucking crazy or retarded or some shit because they gave him medication not to long after that first visit! That’s right doctors, work fast on this nutcase. I’m sure he needs it. Apparently, the kid’s had his craziness affect many people back in New Jersey. One time, in particular, stood out to me. After being called ‘stupid’ he supposedly used a chair to knock out a few teeth of one of his classmates’ parents. The guy needed stitches. And… just for saying the word ‘stupid’. There are far worse things to be called, BENJI. Just so happens he also physically attacked a fan here for asking if he was slow. Seriously? You need some thicker skin, MORETTI. Oh, and did I mention the girl he hit in MIRA SANTIAGO’s presence? Well, apparently the girl and MIRA had just fought. After breaking it up the poor young lady called MIRA a dumbass, and BENJI took it the wrong way ( of course he did, stupid people do that, ya know ) and slugged the girl in the jaw. Poor her. Someone needs to put a fucking collar on that boy. He needs help. Let’s hope these doctors can tame the beast.

'Kay, hi? While I was out doing my research, you shits were asleep at the wheel. Where’s my gossip, assholes? Send me your pics, tips and rumors. Here are my favorite one liners from my inbox:

• EASY BAKER lost his virginity to his mother’s friend. Seriously, EASY? How on earth could you subject your junk to that wrinkled pile of mess? It’s probably why he dresses like a Goth drag queen all that time.
• that sexy man with that camera, JACKSON WADE, is supposedly a daddy. Watch out ladies, he gave up the little bundle of sunshine at birth. Do we have another mental case on our hands?
• CAITRIN ZAYDEN’s a full-blown liar. The little bitch wants attention. That whole spiel about her parents being dead? Bullshit. Completely and utter BULLSHIT. Nice try CAITRIN.
• JIMMY FLYNN got into MIMI RITERS granny panties. That’s something I’m sure EASY BAKER might find amazing. Me? Not so much.
• CRIMSON CARTER and OLIVER ANDERSON are an item. Isn’t that adorable? Let’s see where that takes ADONIS RHODES. Everyone but CRIMSON knows the kid is pretty much in love with her. Dumb, dumb girl.
• ADONIS RHODES was seen with some random guy. Didn’t have a good view. Looks like he’ll be over CRIMSON CARTER in no time.
• ADEME HENRISON supposedly has a freakish obsession with stuffed animals. Uh… how old is this guy?! I caution EVERYONE from touching those things. You have no idea what he might do with them!
• ZACKARY MOORE… is a virgin. A big fat virgin. Apparently, an old girlfriend of his said he was too scared to even touch her. Poor boy.

And on that final, disappointing note, welcome to CALIFORNIA bitches. Soak up the sun and cause even more drama. I fucking love it. Toodles, chicks and dicks.

For all you gossip whores and life destroyers out there, got a secret to spill that’s not your own? Send me a nice little private message, using that nifty code down there, and I’ll be sure to deliver the news to the rest of the tour. Keep it juicy. Might get your secrets pushed to the bottom of the stack. Toodles. ♥ ♥ ♥

[size=0][center]HEY GOSSIP QUEEN!
I GOT A SECRET FOR YA!
IT INVOLVES [b]NAME(s) HERE[/b]!
GET THIS:
[i]SECRET HERE[/i]
TELL 'EM [b]YOUR NAME OR AN ALIAS OR ANONYMOUS[/b] TOLD YOU.[/center][/size]

[GOSSIP♥]

COMMENTS||QUESTIONS?

[center]HEY GOSSIP QUEEN!
MY NAME IS [b]name here[/b], ITS [b]time here[/b].
AND I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
[b]comment here[/b][/center][/center]

[CAITRIN ANABEL ZAYDEN]

HEY GOSSIP QUEEN!
MY NAME IS caitrin, ITS who the fuck actually cares?.
AND I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
How my parents concern you is beyond me. I'm not seeking attention. I only tell people that if they ask, which is rarely. I don't even know how you found out. Honestly? I don't care. Whatever the case, shut the fuck up and get a life. And leave us alone. Or folks'll hunt you down.

I sincerely hope you get whats coming to you, you jumped up little bitch. No one, not even David Harlem deserves to get talked about this way.

Goodbye.

(well, maybe David Harlem. Whatever.)

[JAYDE VALERIE BAUDELAIRE]

HEY GOSSIP QUEEN!
MY NAME IS Jayde, ITS don't matter.
AND I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
Thank you?! Fucking THANK? No. You snarky little bitch. You know nothing about me, make my head spin? Just fucking try me you cunt! I will shred your fucking face. I'll save you the goddamn trouble. That "scary man" is my fucking dad. David is a good guy regardless of the shit talk you blabber on about. You know nothing. You know absolutely nothing, as for Adonis and me? That's between us. THE BAND. MY band.girrrrl you need a hobby. Try basket weaving, or maybe bow-fishing, not an outdoorsy girl? Be a goddamn hooker, but blasting false information isn't one that will help you in anyway. Get a goddamn life.

[LENNOX COLE MADDEN]

HEY GOSSIP QUEEN!
MY NAME IS Lennox, ITS uh..tool time?.
AND I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
OK,Mira's a doll...sure she's rough around the edges but the girl has talent, and she's got a heart. Sure she takes some risks and though I'd LOVE to get with her I've got more respect for my intelligent buddy benji then to even try. She's amazing. So leave her alone. As for whoever you are sweetheart, I just don't care. And you won't have any dirt on me to go spilling. Just like you didn't here, go ahead, mention my name, continue to display your creepy stalkerish love for me, whatever but leave Mira alone. As for Dave? He's my best friend. You need to back up off him, find a new "tour bad guy" because he's not your man. Thanks--Nox

[ABNER FELIX SANTIAGO-TATE]

HEY GOSSIP QUEEN!
MY NAME IS nerdo, ITS clobbering time.
AND I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
look, bitch. this is the second time you've gone and attacked my cousin. mira is a better person than you will ever be. i don't know who the fuck you are but i will find out. and when i do, trust me - you'll fucking regret it.

[mason]

HEY GOSSIP QUEEN!
MY NAME IS Mason, ITS enough.
AND I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.
I have my opinions on what you do and who you are, but I'm smart enough to realize that you feed on it. That's what you want and that's why you do this. I'm going to follow in the direction of my good friend Nox here and say good things about people. So BRAVO to Nox and I hope that other people follow his example and kill what this person is doing to your insides and your relationships.

Here is my happiness:
I am in England with one of the people that I care about the most. I am here providing love and comfort to someone who would give her last dollar to help anyone-- even those who others think are undeserving. I am here showing her that what you give is what you get-- because it's true. I am here spreading POSITIVITY and CHOOSING to reject the ugly and hatred that others are trying to enforce unto me because they are unhappy. I will be happy. I will fight to keep others happy and I look at you all to do the same.